If I had my own website, I'd make you eat it.

Dear 5% Nation,


I am going to go out on a limb here and say I think the establishment rules. I'm serious, and please, hear me out, this isn't even for the sake of playing the Devils advocate, this is just a declarative statement, literally. The establishment rules.


On a side note I want to give a shout out to 'far too modern looking to be this excited about vintage crunch berries teen' for reminding me about the quality, strength and unfathomably universal joy that I, like vintage cereal, bring to quasi latino kids who have a passion for dried, dyed corn products.

"They're kinda-latino-licious!!!"

First, let's have fun identifying the establishment shall we?


What's that you say? Okay Christian, please insert your thought-piston into my cerebral whore-tex and inject me with your hot knowledge? Don't mind if I spew.

          "Oh my god, I never usually blow knowledge into someone so quickly, seriously, that's never happened before."


      The establishment is defined as such in the Legal Dictionary:


Main Entry: es·tab·lish·ment 
Function: noun 
1 :  something established: as a :  a church recognized by law as the official church of a nation or state and supported by civil authority b :  a permanent civil or military organization c :  a place of residence or esp. business with its furnishings and staff 
2 a :  an act of establishing b :  the state of being established


     I think at this point we can assume that "The Establishment" as we know it, is far more concerned with section "1." of the legal definition. Let's look at some of the words used, I'm sure, completely by accident in the LEGAL definition of such a structure.


a: A Church... blah blah blah. Seriously, why not use the mother of all establishments (Or father if your into middle-eastern religion, a mother of all establishments would be nearly useless as well as unrecognizable due to the sweet power burka.)
       
       Okay so flat out, A CHURCH, sure it has to be supported by civil authority, which means what exactly? Well, I'm glad you asked, it is a, well: "a person who exercises authority over civilian affairs." Like, I don't know, a judge.... who is a judicator of law, which is primarily based on religion... Oh look, a self empowering hierarchy, weird, we almost NEVER see those.

"Yeah, yeah he forced drug consumption and he made you face pump his balls and stuff I heard you... y'all read the bible?"

         Right, church and court, bummer. Next is b: (a shocker I know) and it must be less cyclically flawless and preconceived for absolute control right? "b: a permanent civil or military organization". Wow.

Permanent... really? Like... like forever?

           These establishments are like fucking Batman without Joel Schumacher gaying up everything they stand for. I can't believe permanency is actually a condition of establishment, what's wrong with like, a substantially long time, like Tom Hanks' career prior to DiVinci Code.

Remember when I was relevant? Guess how many typewriters I need in the background to look like I have an astute political opinion. The answer is 4.

             So the last LEGAL definition piece is awesomely simple. c : a place of residence or esp. business with its furnishings and staff. This is where I point out that I'm sitting in a chair I bought at Staples (the BUSINESS Depot) and happen to be the proud owner of a wicked savage staff.

                     "We've finalized the Lieberman account, and a fax came in for you from Untunga the Fire God, Sir."

        Bottom line, I'm barred from being an establishment because I am not 1a: A Church, and rarely supported by any civilians, let alone civilians with any authority. And 1b: I am mortal, hence I am not permanent. I know, I know... I'm working on it.

        I guess what I'm trying to say is the establishment rules not because it's big and powerful and permanent and supported by civilian authorities and laws. It isn't because it has a large staff or deliciously Swedish furnishings. Put a few of us well to do self proclaimed intellectuals of the 5% Nation together and we meet most of that criteria anyway. It is because the Establishment makes it impossible by design for us to fulfill ALL criteria, and as such, can at any time, argue our claim for the seats of power, however justified.

       So while I cannot argue they have spun their web with masterful silken butt-strings, there will always be momentary displays of complete lack of touch with the societies in which we live, and, looking back, reminders that they aren't all that powerful at all due to that lack of integral understanding of what makes us tick. Except for this add, this add makes me want to buy slacks like 

nobodies business. Well played establishment, well played.

                                           "Blacksploitation, at least twelve times better when shirtless." 

          In closing, all I can do is rant in Blog world about why I love, and hate you establishment, but if I had a website, a full fledged website with like...pictures of wolves and a sweet hit counter on the bottom, I would have a fighting chance. Then, establishment, like the Crunch Berries so many somewhat mexican kids with poor eyesight get inappropriately excited about, I would make you eat it.

Bonus Entries, comment on this blog if you have any idea what the establishment is even selling with this add:

Good night 5% Nation.